NYC Must Knows (Disclaimer: Sarcasm Ahead)

Having lived in Manhattan for 10 months, I've realized that there are certain locales I need to be aware of.

Certain places I should know like the back of my hand.

The grocery store.
The dry cleaner.
The closest bar.
And the nearest pizza place.

Apparently, though, I forgot about the most important one of all: Bloomingdales.

But thanks to a charming young lady, I was fortunate to learn this tonight.

I'd been trading texts with the girl - let's call her Nicole - for a few days and decided to give her a call to get to know her a little bit better.

And indeed I did.

I'd love to say I'm making this up.
I'd love to say I'm exaggerating.
I'd love to say this was a terrible misunderstanding.

But I can't.

So without further ado, I invite you to relive our conversation.

We begin about five minutes into it, when she tells me she works at Bloomingdales and mentions the department store.

JOSH: Where is Bloomingdales?

NICOLE: You're kidding, right?

JOSH: No.

NICOLE: You don't know where Bloomingdales is?

JOSH: No, why would I?

NICOLE: Do you know where the Empire State Building is?

JOSH: In the east 30s, why?

NICOLE: Because Bloomingdales is like, a landmark.

JOSH: Well I'm sorry, but I don't know where it is.

NICOLE: It's been around since the 1800s. It's mentioned in TV and movies all the time.

JOSH: Well I don't know where it is.

NICOLE: 59th and Lex! Take me to 59th and Lex! You always hear that.

JOSH: Well it's pretty clear you and I don't watch the same kinds of movies.

NICOLE: I'm not trying to be mean. I just never met anybody who didn't know where Bloomingdales is. How long have you lived here?

JOSH: About 10 months.

NICOLE: Didn't you grow up around here?

JOSH: In Jersey, but I didn't spend a ton of time in the city, and I've lived in Los Angeles the past nine years.

NICOLE: Oh, well if you didn't spend a lot of time in the city growing up, I guess I understand.

JOSH: Do you know where Grauman's Chinese Theatre is in LA? (Pausing) It's like, a landmark.

NICOLE (defensive): No, but I've only been to LA once! I didn't live there for 10 months.

JOSH: Well no offense, but I have no reason to know where Bloomingdales is. I don't shop there.

NICOLE: You don't have to shop there to know where it is.


By now, I think you get the point.

Plus, I don't have that much to add. Let's just say the conversation didn't last much longer.

But while I remain dumbfounded by the depth of her disbelief, and I cannot imagine ever wanting to go out with her on a date, let alone talk with her again, I do owe Nicole a debt of my gratitude.

For if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know where to buy those Tory Burch sandals I've been salivating over.